The government thought it a good idea
to concrete over the whole country
our reservoirs would be sewers and drains
green and muddy would give way to grey.

We’d grow our food up the sides of buildings
vertical farming was the nation’s future
young people must come first they said
oldies dying off from herd immunity.

Young people won’t notice a thing
they all go around looking at their iPhones
when it starts to rain and you’ve just bought new shoes
grey has a lot going for it.

The moles were the first to object
with no more brown earth how’s a chap to find worms?
the foxes and rabbits teamed up to protest
though for different reasons.

Then the birds weighed in – oh, the birds…!
seagulls and pigeons both dropped hints
there wasn’t enough roof space as things stood
damned if they’d nest on the ground.

The starlings made a lot of noise
but couldn’t even agree among themselves
sparrows and sparrow-hawks were
never going to agree on anything.

So the government went for a referendum
to settle the matter once and for all
it was so obvious they thought it needed no explanation
but everyone ticked no on their voting slips

always the safest thing to do when
you don’t know what you’re letting yourself in for
so the government felt duty-bound to resign
having completely lost confidence in the people.

The king said the proper thing to do then
was to dissolve the people and appoint a new one
as the Russians could have told us: never hold a referendum
until you’ve made sure of the outcome.