This page is dual-purpose:
- it offers a proposal for a new periodical
- it records how I used ChatGPT / GPT4 to simplify my purple prose.
To get [2] from [1], I used the ChatGPT prompt:
Express in (Plain English) (…)
__________________________
[1] My original [469 words]
My old man took two newspapers: the Daily Mail and the Daily Mirror, which then stood at opposite ends of the political spectrum. He claimed both periodicals were rank liars, but if they happened to agreed on something, it could well be the case.
I want to launch a newspaper called The Daily Liar. It’s a pretty crowded field it will find itself in, but I have a unique selling point: every factoid published is provably a lie. Our motto: all the news that’s fit to misprint.
We will run regular features on such daring topics as climate change, holocaust denial and political navel-watching. If we come across a blatant porkie uttered by the rich and powerful, we will portray it respectfully, sympathetically, and even enthusiastically (if we can stop ourselves throwing up). Does this mean we’ll be restricted to parroting blatant lies? Not at all. So we might report that Sir Kier Starmer declared Boris Johnson would make a better PM than Jeremy Corbyn (…he didn’t: it was the other way round), supporting this factoid with a sympathetic review of BJ’s glowing public record as a journalist, Mayor of London, MP and PM.
We will illustrate our articles exclusively with deepfakes. Our horoscopes and weather reports will be as misleading as possible, and extremely unlikely to occur. Our letters page will without exception be forgeries. Our lifestyle advice will cover the spectrum from acutely uncomfortable to positively dangerous, e.g. “always spend three minutes a day staring at the sun.”
Our crosswords will not match the clues. Our strip cartoons will either be mendacious or absurd. Non-sequiturs will abound. On the back page we will report the latest football results, but the scores will be wrong and we will say the losing side won. Advertisements will be for nonexistent products, or else say demonstrably false things about existing ones.
There are people out there who won’t want you to read what we publish. But if taken to court for libel, our defence will be: how can the prosecution possibly take exception to what we print – and not with essentially the same material published elsewhere? If accused of calling the plaintiffs liars by inference, we will challenge them to prove their case by revealing the true state of affairs. We will not tolerate censorship by the authorities unless their action is clearly supported by the law.
We hear there are plans to resurrect that outstanding lampoon: The Onion. This has given the world many pleasurable moments when the hostile foreign press has quoted articles not knowing them to be parody. But The Daily Liar will not be so devious. We will not adopt a mocking attitude. Some of what The Onion published was alas true. We will not fall into the trap, but adhere rigidly to our founding principles.
__________________________
[2] ChatGPT output [308 words]
Prompt: Express in (Plain English) (…)
My father used to read two newspapers: the Daily Mail and the Daily Mirror, which had very different political views. He believed they both lied but thought if they agreed on something, it might be true.
I want to start a newspaper called The Daily Liar. Although there are many newspapers already, ours will be unique: everything we publish will be a lie. Our slogan is: “all the news that’s fit to misprint.”
We’ll feature controversial topics like climate change, Holocaust denial, and politics. If powerful people lie, we’ll report it respectfully and even enthusiastically, despite feeling disgusted. We’ll mix up the facts, such as claiming Sir Kier Starmer praised Boris Johnson as a better PM than Jeremy Corbyn, and we’ll support this with a biased review of Johnson’s career.
Our articles will be illustrated with deepfakes. Our horoscopes and weather reports will be deliberately inaccurate. All letters to the editor will be fake. Our lifestyle advice will range from uncomfortable to dangerous, like advising people to stare at the sun for three minutes daily.
Our crosswords won’t match the clues. Our comic strips will be either misleading or nonsensical. The sports section will report incorrect scores, claiming the losing team won. Advertisements will be for non-existent products or make false claims about real ones.
Some people won’t want you to read our content. If we’re sued for libel, we’ll argue that others publish the same lies without issue. If accused of implying that someone is a liar, we’ll challenge them to prove the truth. We won’t accept censorship unless it’s legally justified.
We’ve heard The Onion might come back. It’s known for tricking foreign press into quoting its parody articles. But The Daily Liar will be straightforward about our lies. Unlike The Onion, we won’t accidentally publish anything true. We’ll stick to our principle of consistent dishonesty.
__________________________
[3] =[2] touched up for iMessages use
My father used to read two newspapers: the Daily Mail and the Daily Mirror, which had very different political views. He believed they both lied but thought if they agreed on something, it might be true.
I want to start a newspaper called The Daily Liar. Although it’s a crowded field, ours will be unique: everything we publish will be a lie. Our slogan: “all the news that’s fit to misprint.”
We’ll feature controversial topics like climate change, Holocaust denial, and politics. If powerful people lie, we’ll report it respectfully and even enthusiastically, despite wanting to throw up. We’ll play with the facts, such as claiming Sir Kier Starmer praised Boris Johnson as potentially a better PM than Jeremy Corbyn, and we’ll support this with a mendacious review of Johnson’s career.
Our articles will be illustrated with deepfakes. Our horoscopes and weather reports will be deliberately inaccurate. All letters to the editor will be fake. Our lifestyle advice will range from uncomfortable to dangerous, like advising people to stare at the sun for three minutes daily.
Our crosswords won’t match the clues. Our comic strips will be either misleading or nonsensical. The sports section will report incorrect scores, claiming the losing team won. Advertisements will be for non-existent products or make false claims about real ones.
Some people won’t want you to read our content. If we’re sued for libel, we’ll argue that others publish the same lies without issue. If accused of implying that someone is a liar, we’ll challenge them to admit the truth. We won’t accept censorship unless it’s legally justified.
We’ve heard The Onion might come back. It’s known for tricking foreign press into quoting its parody articles. But The Daily Liar will be straightforward about our lies. Unlike The Onion, we won’t accidentally publish anything true. We’ll stick to our founding principle of consistent dishonesty.
Whitby Writers Group 