There’s a little girl called Dyspepsia.

When she was born her mummy thought how smart and stylish the name was. But when she got to school she often wished she was called Mary, or Ann.

She has a friend called Spookie the Cat.

Now Spookie hasn’t always been called Spookie: she was called Pookie before it all happened. She used to belong to Professor Schrodinger, until he did some nasty experiments on her, and she became a quantum cat. She isn’t dead and she isn’t alive, but somewhere in between.

She’s an undead quantum cat.

She only goes back to Professor Schrodinger’s house to kick his daffodils over. At least she used to, until Dyspepsia told her it wasn’t very nice.

Spookie glows in the dark. It doesn’t happen very often, but when she’s glowing she can do undead spooky things, like walking through walls and closed doors.

But when she stops glowing (and she can never tell when that’s going to be) she can’t do it any more and only bumps her nose.

But she doesn’t like doing undead spooky things. She much prefers getting out in the sunshine with Dyspepsia, and they like going for walks in Backhouse Park.

Now, have you ever heard of someone taking a cat for a walk?


Nor had Dyspepsia, nor Spookie, which made them think a bit. They thought it would be all right if Spookie pretended she was a dog.

She put a lot of work into this, sprinkling hot chilli powder on her cat-food to make her voice deep and rough so that when she purred you’d think she was growling.

They bought a nice lead, furry mauve on one side, and Spookie made Dyspepsia promise not to pull it too hard. Then they went to Backhouse Park, singing away at the tops of their voices.

Now this is only a little story and it never gets as far as Chapter One. So the next chapter has got to be…