Julius Caesar thought he’d reform the calendar.
He was a fine one to do that.
When he invaded England
he didn’t even know it was 55 BC.
That fella didn’t know the time of day!
They told him to beware the Ides of March.
So if he knew it was the Ides of March
why didn’t he just stay home?
Another thing he didn’t know was that
England has tides, so he lost his ships.
Every shop in Whitby sells tide-tables
and what’s so special about Whitby?
Crazy old woman came in my shop,
tried telling me the Moon causes the tides.
That’s just the sort of thing, I told her,
a witch like you would believe.
How can we be descended from apes?
If I’d guessed my future mother-in-law was an ape
I’d have called the whole thing off.
When did people stop paying attention?
Why argue over whether Jesus existed?
Just look up Joseph and Mary Christ
in the Nazareth phone book for the year Dot.
It can’t have been that common a name.
The climate can’t change. Stays just as Jesus created it.
Been hurricanes and tornadoes as long as I remember.
Nobody went blaming climate change for the Dust Bowl
or for every little forest fire and flood.
The Earth’s flat. Took my straight-edge to the beach.
Held it up to the horizon: never seen a straighter line.
The question is, are you gonna believe some scientist
or the evidence of your own eyes?
Anyone with an ounce of sense
can see what I see in the world we live in.
I don’t read books on history & science
I’ve no time for ignorant folk.