We’re “On The Market”. Our property for sale
To discerning buyers, who will, without fail
Be impressed by our garden, now in full bloom
Our spacious lounge, where there’s lots of room
In “Escape to the Country” it’s been on TV
The “Mystery Property” for viewers to see.
Several interested parties, but no definite “Yes”.
Some “need to sell first”, or would have to pay less
Than our asking price, so an offer was made.
We politely refused, for we need to be paid
The full amount, not one penny less.
Someone will come along with the money, I guess.
Then we “downsize” – a bungalow? Top of our list.
In a quiet cul-de-sac? Such things don’t exist!
And we don’t like neighbours, though I don’t want to sound
Unfriendly, but “detached” would suit us down to the ground.
And our viewing reached an unprecedented peak
When a certain lady came to look round last week.
“I don’t like windows” was her moan-number-one.
“And conservatories? – well, it just isn’t on.
Neighbours stare in from their garden wall
Unless you’ve a privet hedge that’s grown quite tall.
I don’t like ceilings, or polished wood floors
And the house? – well, it seems to have lots of doors.”
But our house was once a Railway Station.
The mere thought often fills one with elation.
And Dan? Well he’s now made his home
In the old Booking Office, though he does like to roam
Upstairs, when we’re ready to get into bed
He looks at out “assets” – on that, enough said.
So don’t be surprised if you meet up with Dan
We have great fun with him, man-to-man.
Quite harmless, never speaks, he’s just sort-of “there”
He likes to look at fellas parading about bare.
Bums, hairy tums (and other things) turn him on
He’s there – we look again and he’s gone.
My “secrets” were not working out as I’d planned.
She smiled, then suddenly reached out her hand.
“Shake on it! I think I’d like to buy
A house with a ghost! – I’ll give it a try.
Three hundred and ninety five pounds, did you say?
And I trust there’s no outstanding rates to pay.”
“I think that you’ve made a mistake with the price.”
“To increase as you’ve just done is not very nice.
Two hundred and ninety-five thousand – not pounds?
That’s out of this world – as bad as it sounds.”
And with that parting shot she left in a huff
–Somewhere else to view, she’d seen more than enough.
So we’re still on the market. Oh do come and buy
Our Railway Station – give it a try.
Designed by architect of note, George Edmund Street.
The Law Courts in London his other big feat.
But that’s not for sale, it’s his Railway Station
That could set hearts a-beating – his superior creation.
We’re On The Market – need I say more?
And if you’re the next one to knock on our door
You’d be sure of a welcome, get a pleasant surprise.
Value for money? You won’t believe your eyes.
It’s all waiting for you, do please come along.
And at this point I feel I could burst into song.
We’re On The Market, by the way.
So do come and view, it could be your lucky day.